The #girlboss trap (and how I walked straight into it)
A decade ago I was swirling around in my office chair under the fluorescent lights above my desk, knowing I was not where I was meant to be. I was running a creative side business in the evenings and weekends while my corporate marketing job left me overworked, underpaid, and Googling my way out of there on my lunch break.
In 2015, I quit.
It felt like glitter was shooting out of my eye sockets the moment I walked out of that office. I was going to be my own boss. Work from anywhere. Do work I loved. And for a while, I did.
But somewhere in my early thirties, fully booked and doing all the right things, I hit a wall.
On paper, I was successful, and I was proud of myself for pursuing the “Girl Boss” dream. Underneath it all, I was exhausted, disconnected, and constantly pushing through. I hadn’t created freedom at all. I’d just recreated the same pressure in a different form, people-pleasing, overworking, ignoring my gut, telling myself to be grateful while quietly knowing something still wasn’t right. I continued to do this as a new mother, fitting client emails and deadlines around 3 am feeds - telling everyone I could “have it all”.
After a while I went back into employment, stepping into a senior role. It was work that felt meaningful with the relief of a guaranteed monthly salary, but I soon found myself back in the same old place. Working under questionable management, compromising my values and having to fit my life into the confines of my annual leave allowance. For months, I kept wondering, is the comfort of a salary worth sacrificing myself for? Doesn't my daughter deserve to grow up watching her mother actually live by the values she talks about?
The moment I chose to leave, without a plan, was the moment things began to shift.
I stopped pushing through. I started paying attention. I began rebuilding my life and work around what actually mattered, not what looked good, not what I thought I should want, not the six-figure goal those online coaches told me I should be aiming for.
When I sat down and actually wrote out the numbers, I realised I didn’t need the huge salary to live the life I want. The moment I let that imaginary number go, everything got simpler. And easier. And more mine.
These days I home educate my daughter, live as simply and intentionally as I can, and create things that feel honest - resources, content, design work - for people and brands that genuinely care about what they’re putting into the world. I’m no longer interested in or willing to contribute to noise, overconsumption, or convincing people they’re not enough unless they buy what I’m selling. I’ve spent twenty years in design and marketing and I’ve seen how that machine works from the inside. I don’t want to fuel it anymore. And I don’t want to ask anyone for permission to have a day off.
If you’ve ever built a version of success that looked right on paper but felt hollow in practice, you’re in the right place. I’m not here to tell you I’ve got it all figured out. I’m here because I’m still figuring it out too, and I’ve learned - that’s actually the point.